Grateful.

One of the most amazing things about blogging is being able to look back at where I have been and the lessons learned. So much has changed since last Thanksgiving... what remains constant are the blessings that come... often in the most unexpected ways. And now for the top 10...

1. This man. It is so crazy to think that we have been doing life together since I was 18... as each year passes, I am amazed at how much we have changed... but how we have changed together. He accepts my quirks and faults... laughs with me... willingly eats my new recipe attempts... lets me sing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs - only slightly off key... encourages me... and reminds me I am not in control. To be able to call him my husband now is the most exciting feeling!

2. This family. Planning our wedding brought my family together as we tackled programs, flowers, THE dress, how to incorporate family traditions and heirlooms, and as my parents honestly communicated that this day is an event, what is lasting is the promise we make. I am so thankful to have parents that are not afraid to let me fall but are always there to help build me back up... they have let me learn tough lessons but constantly encouraged me along the way. It has always been my hope that Travis and I have a marriage like theirs... one of faith, acceptance, compromise, friendship and love.

And for my brother... who loves and accepts unconditionally. It is still hard for me to believe that he is a grown-up now... but I am so proud of the person he is becoming.

3. This extended family. With marriage comes more family. And what I have learned from the Meyers is that family is important. No matter the distance - your family will always be there. It doesn't matter whose side or what your last name is... it's one big family. I am so thankful to have them to remind me of that and encourage Travis and I to do the same for our family.

4. This new family. Kam has watched me grow up from a teenager just out of high school to an adult with a job. He has been a part of our relationship from the very beginning... and supported us through moves, distance, graduations, and all the in between stuff. Having him and Bridgette in our life has been such a blessing... they go beyond brother and sister-in law to two of our bestest friends. Watching them become parents has been so encouraging and exciting! They support Travis and I in the most amazing ways and I know that when we have kids one day, they will love them as much as we love Oliver and Olivia.

5. These friends. I could not ask for a more dynamic and amazing group of friends. God has most definitely blessed me with friends that make life so much richer. What has been even more amazing is watching these friendships go across high school and college lines. It is so reassuring to know that I have these girls to call on when life gets tough... when life is funny... when life needs adventure... when life changes... and when life seems normal.

6. This place. Our first place. Travis and I spent a couple of months looking at apartments and reading almost every Craigslist posting before we found THIS place... OUR place. The move was fun - exciting - and challenging... his clothes AND my clothes... his stuff AND my stuff... his habits AND my habits... now that everything has pretty much found its place, I am grateful for this move because we learned so much about each other... we had to let go of some our own ways of doing things and find a new way together. While we still have a few projects left to complete, this place feels more and more like home. Picture tour coming soon... PROMISE!

 7. These women. I have been blessed with two amazing grandmothers that are the perfect picture of unconditional love. They both have hearts that serve and accept and love and encourage. They both stood by their husbands through job changes, moves across the world, health issues that could have torn them apart and last days where they never stopped loving.

8. This picture. Last Thanksgiving, I was thanking God that my granddaddy was in a safe place... this Thanksgiving, I thank God that he is safe... just in a different place where there is no more suffering, confusion, medications, or pain. This is the last picture I have with my granddaddy and last one we have with him as a family... they both will be tucked away and treasured always.

9. These moments. The in-between moments... between weddings... showers... family events... the big stuff. It is these moments that I am lucky to have captured on my phone... to remember that it is often those in between moments - the random trip to get ice cream... the ride in a mini-van and laughter about the moms we will be... the date night... the adventures in our new neighborhood... the road trips... the finished products... the everyday life stuff - that bring the most joy.

10. This faith. And this promise. 

Thankful disappointment.

Over the last two months, I have experienced trust and faith first hand... the words in Revelation speak to my soul in a way that seems impossible to describe... but in an attempt to put all of these thoughts and emotions out there to solidify the lessons I am learning, this is my best shot. This blog has been full of lots of happy pictures lately and in the midst of that fun, God has been doing a number on my heart. As I was looking back on some of my most recent posts, I was a little disappointed... not with what has been going on in those posts, but with the fact that I haven't shared the in between stuff. I never wanted this blog to be just pictures or just the good stuff... it's the in between stuff where lessons are learned, where sometimes God brings you situations that force you to your knees in ways that only He can. But with that comes vulnerability. Putting it all out there for someone else to read? I wasn't so sure about that. When my friend Laura shared the new She Reads Truth devotion and this post about our neediness, I knew this was God tugging at my heart. 

At this moment, I can't share all of the specifics of this particular situation... the journey is not yet finished and the outcome still unknown. What I can share is this... About 2 months ago, I took a leap of faith. I sought out an opportunity that I whole heartedly believe God planned. Since then, there have been moments where trust and faith were the only things holding me together. The sequence of events that came from that first leap only confirmed a promise that I have prayed over and cried over since then...

To be honest, where I am right now in this situation is not the place I had hoped to be. The prayers that have been prayed were not for this. It is that disappointment that brought me to my knees and the one thing that got me standing again was the promise so blatantly stated in Jeremiah 29:11... God has a plan. It for prosper, hope and a future. The disappointment came when my plan didn't line up with His. But with more prayer, comes acceptance... and appreciation for this disappointment. Because with that disappointment comes the hope of knowing His plan is better and greater than mine. 

In our couples Bible study, we have been reading through Mark Batterson's book "The Circle Maker." If you haven't heard of it or haven't read it, go check it out! This book is now at the top of my "To Recommend" list... and in a way that only God could have fashioned, this book and our study completely lined up with that disappointment. The book is all about prayer and how we pray... and how we respond to our unanswered prayers or those answered differently than what we had hoped. In the book, Mark says that "when we're waiting for God to answer a prayer, it's a period of ellipsis." A pause. An unfinished thought. During this "ellipsis," we can choose to let go or pray through it. We can get frustrated that God isn't answering our prayer as quickly as we would like or maybe not in the way we would like... or we can choose to live unoffended... living a life unoffended is living a life surrendered to His sovereignty, His mystery and His love. To be completely honest, my first reaction was to be frustrated... if God knows the desires of my heart, He should know this one right? But in the very next paragraph of the book, that frustration was quickly replaced with acceptance as I read "Never put a comma where God puts a period, and never put a period where God puts a comma." 

Martha put into words an amazing statement of faith and hope when she said "Lord... if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now, God will give you whatever you ask." (John 11:20-22) It is the even now that so powerfully communicates her faith and hope. It is faith that doesn't put a period at the end. It is knowing that God is still in control and it's not over until He says it is. 

Those two little words... even now... taught me to be thankful for this disappointment. Thankful for hard times that make me pray harder and harder. Thankful for situations where we are forced to rely on God and whole heartedly put our trust in Him. Even then... when things don't seem to line up... those prayers don't seem answered... I have to believe that even now.

The Little Things.

With one week off from school, my to-do list feels about a mile long with half of those "To Do's" relating to some sort of Pinterest project. A few weeks ago my mom and I promised to spend this first day of break with Tessa and Eli with lofty art project expectations. What we ended up with were mini-canvases depicting each planet, a Hello Kitty portrait, two melty-crayon masterpieces, some yummy cookies, a lesson about the color wheel and laughing as Georgia Grace's personality came shining through as she held on to her brother's shirt for dear life and the realization that she looks just like a Cabbage Patch doll.

Whenever we hang out with Tessa and Eli, I am reminded of how BIG the little things are... the few seconds spent waiting and watching as the crayons slowly melted... the awe that came as the colors dripped down the canvas... the newly learned manners ("No thank you") that are applied to every situation... and the laughter that filled their kitchen as we examined all of the crazy crayon names like "macaroni and cheese" and "asparagus."